Teach me to number my days

I saw it while I was racing through Target to get sausage, milk, spinach, and canned pumpkin in the exactly 8.3 minutes I had before I needed to be in the school carline. 

a fluffy, frilly, sparkly over-the-top fabulous Holiday dress for little girls.

and I became oh-so-thankful I had only 8.3 minutes or I would've stopped, paused, held the dress up, and probably burst into tears in the middle of the toddler clothing section.

perhaps it's because last school year, it seemed as though everything were set on a {pause} button as we waited, waited, and waited for the official court date to fly to Uganda.

Perhaps it's because this is the first year I have two kiddos in school
 and it seems like a lot more than one kiddo in school.

perhaps it's because I'm just older.
hello, mid-30's. When did that happen?!?

perhaps it's because I'm grieving the loss of Miles in our family, and I wrestle with the tension of wondering if our family will always be a family of 4 
while at the same time loving our family being a family of 4.

whatever it is,
this school year is flying at record pace.
i seemingly blink my eyes and my kids are bigger. 
  and I don't like it.

I'm done shopping in the toddler-sized section that I've been able to shop in for the past 7 years.
I look at sweet onesies while shopping for a friend's baby shower and finger them longinly.
I remember sweet 5-year-old Grant as I know am doing the same work he did in Kindergarten with his sister.

and my heart aches.

I get a glimpse of understanding of the Psalmist's heart.

Lord, teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

so for now,
I let Grant watch one-too-many Curious George episodes, 
as I can't believe he still likes them and I know he won't for very long.
I indulge my 5-year-old's request to carry her downstairs,
for the days are soon coming that I won't be able to pick her up anymore.
I bite my tongue about shoes not being put away, for just as I miss those sweet onesies,
I know one day I'm going to miss these sized 4 bright orange tennis shoes being in the middle of my laundry room.

Teach me to number my days.

Lord, let not the tyranny of the urgent crowd out the importance of motherhood.  May dishes and laundry and to-do lists never become higher on my list than little hearts. 

May I learn to love your Word and time with my Savior.  
Teach my heart than I'm never to busy for time with You.

May I be exceedingly patient and kind and gentle as you are with me, 
and my I make the most of these few days,
 before they are vanished like vapor.

{Teach me to number my days}.


for all our days pass away under your wrath;
we bring our years to an end like a sigh.
the years of our life are seventy,
or even by reason of strength eighty;
so teach us to number our days,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
psalm 90