4 small words

The ringing phone awakened me.
Anticipating this phone call,
i napped with my iphone beside me.

four words.
were what I awaited, 
hoping, praying, pleading to hear.

Hello? I answered.

It was the call for which I had been awaiting. 


My footsteps pounded the pavement this morning. 

I ran faster in my head than my GPS said, but that's okay. 
on this beautiful Midwestern touch-of-fall morning, my soul felt alive.

And on my running playlist came the song that was on {repeat} about a year and a half ago. 
Over and over I listened to it, praying it with all my heart. 
It expressed what my filled-to-the-limit-heart could not.


The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
it's time to sing Your song again.
whatever may pass,
and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes.


That was the prayer I pleaded:
May my faith be steadfast enough, courageous enough, strong enough,
that no matter what came during the day - 
no matter what result the seemingly endless round of medical tests would hold,
that my heart would still be singing His praise when the evening came.
a year and a half later,
multiple sclerosis is just a small blip.
a shot daily, some extra supplements...
and i,
very thankfully,
live my very normal life.


but then the yearly MRI rolls around,
which will tell me that which my body may not,
and i am a little-too-reminded of the fact that I live with a progressive neurological disease.
and, MRI's always take me back to that initial diagnosis
and those life-changing words
multiple sclerosis cannot be excluded.
my emotions run a bit deep.


I pounded the pavement this morning,
listening to those lyrics,
reminded of a deeply personal, deeply sensitive time in my life,
and became deeply thankful for the phone call I received last week.

4 small words.
4 oh-so-huge words.

our God is always, always, always good.
what I believed about God would be the same had those 4 words been different.

 in the face of a life-long neurological disease,
my prayer remains the same.

whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
Let me Be singing when the evening comes.



{no new disease activity}