Tuesday, October 8, 2013

4 small words

The ringing phone awakened me.
Anticipating this phone call,
i napped with my iphone beside me.


four words.
four
 small-but-oh-so-big-words 
were what I awaited, 
hoping, praying, pleading to hear.


Hello? I answered.

It was the call for which I had been awaiting. 


----

My footsteps pounded the pavement this morning. 



I ran faster in my head than my GPS said, but that's okay. 
on this beautiful Midwestern touch-of-fall morning, my soul felt alive.

And on my running playlist came the song that was on {repeat} about a year and a half ago. 
Over and over I listened to it, praying it with all my heart. 
It expressed what my filled-to-the-limit-heart could not.


-----


The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
it's time to sing Your song again.
whatever may pass,
and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes.


 -----



That was the prayer I pleaded:
May my faith be steadfast enough, courageous enough, strong enough,
that no matter what came during the day - 
no matter what result the seemingly endless round of medical tests would hold,
that my heart would still be singing His praise when the evening came.
a year and a half later,
multiple sclerosis is just a small blip.
a shot daily, some extra supplements...
and i,
very thankfully,
live my very normal life.



------

but then the yearly MRI rolls around,
which will tell me that which my body may not,
and i am a little-too-reminded of the fact that I live with a progressive neurological disease.
and, MRI's always take me back to that initial diagnosis
and those life-changing words
multiple sclerosis cannot be excluded.
  
obviously,
my emotions run a bit deep.



-----------------

I pounded the pavement this morning,
listening to those lyrics,
reminded of a deeply personal, deeply sensitive time in my life,
and became deeply thankful for the phone call I received last week.

4 small words.
4 oh-so-huge words.

but,
our God is always, always, always good.
what I believed about God would be the same had those 4 words been different.

 in the face of a life-long neurological disease,
my prayer remains the same.

whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
Let me Be singing when the evening comes.


----

4.small.words.

{no new disease activity}







5 comments:

Heidi said...

Great news! Especially just before you leave for Africa!!!

Heather @ Notes from the Nelsens said...

That is one of my favorite songs right now! What a great reminder. So glad you got good news too! ...I loved hearing from you this week. I'm doing well! Just resting in the Lords timing, trusting in His plan, and appreciating the time we have right now. It feels good to be in this place!

When do you leave to pick up M?!!! We'll be praying for your trip! ...If you think about it, can you tell me in an email where you guys are going- even the name of the orphanage if possible? I wish Matt and I could go with you this trip, but we would love to be able to plan for a future trip, and any thoughts on specific places to go would be so helpful!

Hope you have a great rest of your week, Anna!

Heather

Mike and Sharon said...

Anna,

I just got your link from Tisha. Thanks for being a blessing right now. I have not been diagnosed yet--that will be Monday. We are mid adoption--#1 for a referral--any day now. Not sure where to go from here.

Sharon

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Tiffany said...

Amen!!! I am late in reading and catching up on blog reading - I am so happy for NO activity!!

xoxo