MRI and Mutliple Sclerosis

 6 months ago,
i walked into an imaging center.
i laid in a tube for a brain MRI
and had zero inclination that the results would be anything but normal.

well, for those that know me or follow my blog,
you know that that one afternoon spent getting a MRI 
was a life-changer.

{6 months later}

i feel fantastic.
really, really fantastic.
besides giving myself daily injections,
dealing with the minor side effects from them,
and knowing way-more-than-i-ever-thought-i'd-know about neurological diseases,
i don't think you'd ever know i have multiple sclerosis.
actually, i just mentioned to my ever-loving husband that it still seems so surreal -
when I say those words -
{multiple sclerosis}
it seems unbelievable.

for the most part, 
{only by the grace and goodness of my Savior}
 i feel like i handle this whole
i-have-a-progressive-debilitating-neurological-disease gig
pretty well.

that's why,
when a week ago i walked into that same imaging center for a repeat MRI,
my emotions surprised me.

it was as though i was returning to visit a gravesite, really -
the place where the line in the sand of my life was drawn.

the place where my adult life will always be marked as {before} and {after} MS.

that imaging center was a tangible reminder of this disease of mine -
a tangible reminder of how my life has changed, of how my reality has changed.

but you know?
it was also a tangible reminder of the grace and goodness the Lord has poured out upon my life the past 6 months.
He has met me, time and time again,
exactly when I needed Him to. 

His Word has comforted, encouraged, and challenged me to remain steadfast, abounding in good work, and to run with endurance this race the Lord has for me.

and during that MRI a week ago?
I felt like the Lord showed me one small way He loves me, 
even while I was laying in that loud tube.

 I was a bit on edge for the results of this MRI,
but I was doing okay.

okay until the tech 
{whom actually remembered me from 6 months ago!}
came in and started saying stuff like
God never gives us more than we can handle.
be strong, girl, be strong.
there's been so many advances in MS treatment! you'll be great.

i kinda started to panic.
really panic.
get me out-of-this tube-right-now or i may throw up all over it 

and then,
over the huge headset they gave me in which i was listening to a Christian radio station,
i heard

"Bless the Lord,
oh my soul,
oh my soul,
worship His holy name."

a couple months ago I wrote about how Matt Redman's song 10,000 reasons had been so influential in my life and in my MS diagnosis.

and it came on, over my earphones, in that MRI machine at the peak of my panic.

so, as I heard that song that I have essentially listened to over and over and over again over the past few months,
i calmed. i remembered the God I serve and How big He is - 
how much bigger than MRI results.
how much bigger than any neurological disease.

Matt Redman sang

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

and I remembered how incredibly short this life is.
and when the day comes that my strength fails -
no matter how much sooner or later it is
still my soul will sing His praise.


and, by the way,
my MRI came back unchanged from the one 6 months ago.
in neurology talk, folks, that's great news.
kinda means no disease progression.
amen, amen, and amen.